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Friday, December 5, 2008

WELL BLESS MY SOLE



I'm sure all of you have figured out that I spend an inordinate amount of time mulling over some of the dumbest and most useless shit this side of Old Sweden. But I figure we all have our calling in life and I guess that's mine. For instance, Sookie's footwear. Is it just me, or does she not wear some of the hokiest, funkiest footwear you've not seen since the 1990's? To quote Louisana's resident Pop Princess "like daaang girl (chew, pop, chew), what's up with those dawg covers?" I can't help but wonder where she got them. What? Did she blow old Mayor Norris and he let her "dig around in the archives" and that's what she came up with?

She dresses cute. I'll give her that. But just don't cast your eyes past the knees. For instance, in Episode 2 she's wearing that really cute green and white bathing suit and cover-up and just looking sexier and more fly than a girl has a right to. Her boobs were all firm and perky, like freshly watered gerber daisies. Then I saw those shoes. I thought "WTF? Was she Rosie the Riveter in a former life"? She has no problem going around dressed in less clothing than would cover a gnat's hindquarters. I will give her props for that. And I just have to say this. In episode one when she was outside sunbathing in that cute little two-piece, wearing those white sunglasses, I kept expecting her to start wailing out "blue...ooooo...eee.....oooo... I'm so lonesome for you, tears fill my eyes til I can't see.......". Sorry, I just needed to get that off my chest. Back to the topic. Both times that Bill took her to Fangtasia she wore a dress that made her buzzum look like she was trying to smuggle out a baby, ass first. And her hair always looks great, even when it's in a ponytail. Bill just loves her hair. The feel and smell of it makes him harder than week old biscuits. But she seriously needs to deal with her lack of shoe cool. Maybe she could drive over to Shreveport in her canary yellow Honda Hoop-tee and see if Eric could hook her up with some of his Teva catalogs. Snag her some really fly flip-flops. I'm sure if Sookie would just open up her heart to Eric then he would be happy to help her pick out a pair or two. But Sook, honey, I don't really think your heart is the part of you Eric would like you to open. (*wink, nudge*). Just tryin' to clue you in. You know, sort of a heads up. You don't appear to be real smart sometimes when it comes to men.

But who knows. Maybe Sookie's got a big stash of Candies ballerina flats or an assload of Jellies stowed away in her closet, just waiting for next season. Perhaps as a special prize for our patience. God I hope so. Cause if she's not gonna wear Jellies next season, then I ain't gonna fuckin' watch.

5 comments:

Danielle said...

Oh, hell, no, not fucking Jellies. Just give her some simple slides or mules. And some white keds for when she's hustling her cute little butt around Merlotte's.

I haven't looked at her shoes much, but do tell me at least she's not wearing fucking Crocs.

DahliaBrooks said...

All I can say is you are truly priceless. Your uncanny ability to cut to the quick of every detail is hilarious. Hey HBO....are you listenin'?? You guys NEED this writer for Season 2. Get off your arses and give her a job. And give us more SM bonking time. Crikey!

ABNegative said...

Danielle, I know Crocs are the ugliest things since Uggs, but they are comfy.

But I won't put Sookie in them!

ABNegative said...

DahliaBrooks, I'm glad you like the blog. And I AM UP for the gig at HBO. You know anybody you could bang and get me a job?

Devon said...

Sookie Stackhouse is my thinspiration. I plan on getting skinny like Sookie so I can wear little girl floral print dresses that look sexy slutty because they're a few sizes too small.