Sunday, December 7, 2008
LAFFIE , WE HARDLY KNEW YE
Well crap. I'm gonna miss Layfayette. A lot. Whenever he was in a scene, well he was all anyone saw. I know there are theories and talk of him not being dead floating around left and right. But come on. If you put to good use what you've got between your ears, then you have to conclude that it was in fact Layfayette's big old number 12 that was hanging out the back door of Andy Bellefluer's Crown Vic. Why else would we have to witness Layfayette fling his big old hoof up on Sam Merlotte's bar while spiffing up his toenails with a fresh coat of red laquer? And about that, I thought that was nasty. Looked like something I would do. Normally I don't even go to bars. I prefer to do my drinking at home so that way if I slip up and float an air biscuit then I can blame the dog. And if I'm in an eating joint that has a bar I'll make doubly sure to do a sniff test before I belly up to it. If I catch even the faintest whiff of stale parmesean cheese, then I'm outta there.
Also Layfayette was quickly becoming my role model for fashion. I picked up some really awesome ideas for accessorizing, what-not-to-wear and since when is too much black eye-liner a bad thing? And man! Could he sweep the shit out of a floor! If I could only raise up my recliners with one hand like he did, I'd be loaded for bear. I might actually break down and sweep more than once every few months.
Poor Tara! What's our black girl, precious little pearl gonna do now? Layfayette was her touchstone, her rock of stability. I know that's pretty fucked up when your rock of stability is a drug dealing, porn making, v-juice selling gay short order cook who also re-surfaces the highway. But Tara's life is an exercise in fuck-nuttery, as we all know. Heck, she and her mama's one bonding moment came over sucking the heads from a bucket of mudbugs. Now THAT'S fucked up! I still have nightmares about that. No, actually I said to my own mama "you know, if you really loved me as much as you love my sister, then you would have taken me out so we could suck the heads off a bucket of mudbugs". I'm sure you all can guess what she said. Our Tara depended on Layfayette like she couldn't depend on anyone else. Not even Sookie. He was her go-to guy who would listen to her and actually act like he really gave a shit about what happened to her. Here lately Sookie has been too wrapped up in her own drama's to be a decent befri to anyone. And I suspect in my gut that Layfayette would have caught a bullet for his little cousin. And to further fuck up Tara's psyche, she has to be one of the people who finds his body. To quote my favorite old Irish uncle, "dah drodit, that's a real goat fucker ah coming at ya, that it tis". Yep Uncle Mattie, you just might be onto something.
I tried to fool myself into thinking that maybe that big old footsie belonged to someone else. Like maybe one of those three rednecks that put the eternal flame to General Zod, Ursa and Non. REALLY I was hoping it was the one with the curly hair. You know, Mr. Garlicpress himself who looks like he could possibly be a desendent of Hoss Cartwright. Especially after he and Layfayette had that go-round with the "aids burger". But I reckon not. Looks like we're gonna be graced with their presence in the new season. Wonder what those 3 little scamps will be up to?