Tuesday, December 9, 2008
CHUG-A-LUG, MAKE YA WANNA HOLLER HI-DE-HO!
Stand back and watch ya'll, cause that Sookie knows she can mackdown on a arm! She looked like me chawin' down on some hickory smoked ribs. And Bill, poor guy. I actually began to feel sorry for him. Once Sookie got past all that "I don't wanna be a vampire" bullshit she really latched on and tore it up. I know Bill was probably thinking "da-yum girl, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Although........she does suck like she's one of those chrome tailer hitch chicks I've heard so much about. Wonder how long it'll take her to heal? Her mouth is looking better already. Hey Sook, I was thinking, if you wouldn't mind........". I was actually starting to worry that maybe she was about to loosen up a few of Bill's wristbones and one of them was gonna come loose and get hung up in her front tooth gap. When she finished doing the Big Gulp on Bill he probably had to find a stick and slip it under Sookie's top lip in order to break the suck-shun she had on his wrist. I know vamps heal fast , but I'd wager there's probably still a big ole purple welt on his wrist in the shape of Sookie's mouth.
Sookie, did you ever hear of that book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People"? If you've heard of it then I'm going on the assumption that you never bothered to read it. Cause I thought that question you nailed Bill with when he called on you and Gran Stackhouse and the two of you went out for a stroll, cause after all it was such a lovely night, was just downright rude. "So, I guess you've killed a lot of people". WTF?? That's ALL you could come up with to break the ice? See, to me, that would be akin to some feller asking me out for a moonlight stroll, then saying "so, I guess you've eaten a lot of Krispy Kremes?" Rude. Hurtful. Gratitious. Unnecessary. What you SHOULD have asked him was this. "Is your dick as big as it seems, or did you lose a sock in the dryer?" Yeah, ask him something really important, something that we all want to know. Who cares about how many people he's killed?
Can you imagine the reaction of Sam The Lurking Fido if he'd heard Sookie ask Bill that?