Monday, December 1, 2008
DING DONG THE WITCH IS FINALLY DEAD
Well - what's the verdict? Did everyone like what they saw last night? Most of it gets a yes vote, but there was a scene or two I could have done without. Like Jason Stackhouse and his psycho French cooking gypsy girlfriend. I swear, I try to keep an open mind about those two, but here lately they just make my ass want to suck a lemon. I'm as sorry as the next guy that Amy is getting her own dirt nap and she's not coming back as a vampire in 24 hours or that Eric didn't get hip to her shit either, but I'm sooooo glad I don't have to take that psychadelic vjuice induced flight of fancy with those two anymore. I thought last night when I saw them with the vjuice "nooooooooooooo, not another v-trip, it's wasting valuable Bill time!" I will have to give some props to the special effects people tho. That scene of Jason throwing Amy into the air and she's just flying far, far away looks super cool to me. I have wanted to do that to her for quite some time now.
Bill, pay attention boy - as far as Pam goes (although it did cause me to snort a time or two when she peeked at Jessica's junk) you just need to go ahead and beat dat 'ho down. Now I realize that might be a challenge since I just don't envision you striking a woman, but DAMN! That gal's got bigger balls than you and Eric put together. With the attitude to match.
I loved this episode. Why? Because I just did. Why? Because it's my favorite show right now. Why? Because Bill gives me a hot-put-juicy. Why? 'Cause he just does. Why?
That look on Bill's face when the dirt started to move around and Jessica started to crawl out! I thought for sure that Bill was gonna say "SHUT UP!" like Sookie did when took that silver chain off Bill in episode 1. And I have to say that the look of all but total horror on his face when she came out screaming was the exact same look I saw on my husband's face when he realized that he, and only he, was gonna have to deal with not only a mega-shitty diaper, but a meta-shitty crib as well. And Jessica's YEE HAW! I"M A VAMPIRE! will be the defining quote for this entire season. It should be on a billboard.
A lot of posters are wanting to ream Bill a new one over his so-called whimpy handling of Jessica. Why? I know he isn't as forceful as Eric or Pam, but come on. Bill is really and truly more human than vamp, and what I saw was this. He's a man who's never been around children very much. His own were very small when he left them. And if you've never dealt with a girl going through those teenage years, then you don't really know what horror is. He looked like what he is, a man who suddenly was handed a teenage girl to take care of and didn't know fuckall about what he was suppose to do. Just think about it, if a single man who'd never had any experience with children was suddenly handed a teen-age girl to take care, keep out of trouble and try to teach a thing or two, what do you have? A damn hysterically funny situation. Poor Bill. I expect that coffin chained with silver is looking better and better right about now.
Well Sookie. You certainly peed in your chilli. Although I am loving you for being so nice to poor abused Sam. He really needed that. And I can't say I blame him for moving in and laying claim to some of the goods. After all, shapeshifter or not, he's still a man. And I thought the scene of them riding in the car and her teasing him about hanging his head out the window was a sign that she'd accepted him for what he was and it was ok. Sookie, I sure thought that all you needed to get you off that high horse you've been riding for 2 weeks now and once again look like the cat (RIP Tina) that landed a lifetime gift certificate to the creamery , was a booty call or three over to the Compton crib. But, like I said, you done gone and done Bill wrong and I hope he tells you to take you squirrel and go look for other nuts. But we both know he won't do that. Why? Cause he loves you. Why? Beats the hell outta me. Why? Because we need a gut-wrenching, heart-pounding episode next week that will make us puke for a week from the anxiety of wanting to know what happens. Why? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
OK Eric - you just about had him. Bill, I mean. It's too damn bad you glimmering skills don't work on vamps. You just about had Bill confess his reason for coming to Bon Temps. I sure wish he had spilled the beans tho. I would have loved, loved to have seen that look on Eric's face when Bill said it. But Eric will just have to join ranks with us blood sacs and wait until next season. Unless Eric, you decide to tie me to a bed and do really nasty things to make me talk. I just warn you tho. I am really tuff. It might take a week or two.. Then I just might tell you. Actually, I'd prefer it be Bill, but we both know he's too damn lovestruck - or cuntstruck - to even think about sniffin' out some new tail. To quote and slightly change a line from a favorite show of mine "just look at 'em. They're afloat, lightern' air, in some fairy-fuckin' bubble. Him, her snatch and those stoopid fuckin' fangs!" But I must say Bill, you really REALLY don't need to be owing Eric any favors. Not smart Bill, not smart at all. Cause Eric ain't the kind of homeboy to let a favor owed him slide. Word.