Monday, December 1, 2008
Where, oh where, does Bill get all his coin from? I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, especially since episode 2 when he was talking to Sookie about "not gettin' into any trouble over the renovations". When she mentioned that she would make some calls to a few electricians, I thought "whoa daddy, hold the milk". She's talking about some major bucks there. Unfortunately for us Bill chicks, those electrical contractors rang the death knell for Bill's hotass smokin' hair. I reckon when the electricity got hooked up Bill wasted no time a hot footin' it to Wal-Mart at midnight to snag a blowdryer and curling iron. Really fucked up his hair. And we're still not over it.
And that ass-kickin' bathroom! Just that tub alone would set you back at least the price of a good used Tahoe. And the last time I checked, they weren't exactly giving away those BMW's. Speaking of Bill and his shaggin' wagon, I just have to comment about Bill & Sookie's ride in the BMW, back from Fangtasia. It was at the beginning of Sparks Fly Out, the opening scene when Bill pulls up in front of Sookie's house and that hmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm bmmmmmmm noise is coming from the speakers. I swear, that look Sookie gave Bill when he stopped the car was priceless! Just cracked me up big time. I just know she had to be thinking "damn dude, you ever hear of Brooks & Dunn?"
Do you think he's been a bad boy, that's he's been "glimmering" folk for their money? Somehow, I just can't believe that. Now I realize that if anyone can glimmer someone into givin' up the Buxton, it'd be our beautiful blue-eyed boy. But Bill's soooooo not scary, so not apt to do something like that. But I do think that he might have pilfured a dollar or two from those two skanky redneck losers, the Rattrays. And he should have. After all, they got most of it by selling V and some of it dealing drugs. As my sainted Granny use to say "ill gotten gains will be your destruction". Word. And when Bill admitted to Sookie that he did in fact feed on the Rat twins, I immediately said "Bill's having a Big Mac attack!" Bill really did need that blood, no matter how sorry the origin. After all, they stole about 2 pints from him and lest we forget Sookie guzzled about 2 gallons from his arm. But I seem to be getting off topic. I tend to do that. A lot. Mack, Denise - before I put you two low life's to rest I just want to express the undying appreciation for your generous contribution. If Bill did clean out your stash of ill gotten gains and then used it to buy that bathtub, then you have my undying gratitude. After all, you two made it possible for us to get a really, really good view of First Lt. William Thomas Compton, climbing into that tub and showing us what we wanted - no, deserved, needed to see. If not for our lust, but also our sanity. Now girls, don't get all pissy with me and hire a bounty hunter to find me and cut off major protruding parts, but I have to say this. Bill needs to do some clenches. I'm jes' sayin. I have to admitt that Sam has completely tore his stuff up in the super fine ass department. He's got something a redneck girl can really sink her teeth into! And for Bill to hate Sam as much as I hate the IRS, then he just needs a gentle reminder to WORK IT! You know, up and down, up and down......oh Lord, now I'm getting hot. Wait, I need a cold drink and maybe some of Tara's HoHo's.
Also, I watched Episode 10 again last night. Hey, didn't we all?? I just have to say that during that tribunal scene, when that mean old magistrate hollered at Bill to "back your shit down!" I really thought for a moment there that Bill was gonna holler back "yeah, sure, I'll back it down. Just as soon as you back my boot out of your ass, you Edward Scissorhands lookin' motherfucker!' But thankfully, he kept quite.
And I see from the previews of tomorrow night that Tara has done me a solid and thankfully gotten out of that red dress. Thanks girlfriend, I owe you one. I am assuming she gave it to the girls in lockup. I'm sure they fought and scratched over that prize too. I thought when I saw Tara at that party with that funky hairdo, scary Alexis Collins makeup and last but not least that dress that she looked like Fuck You Bitch That's My Corner Barbie. Made by Mattel.