SOOKIE, YOU SUCK!

Sookie you got some splainin' to do. Now I watched and rewatched the final episode thinking that maybe I was so overcome by the sight of His Royal Hotness standing on the porch wearing that lucious brown henley that I became unconscious for a minute or two, or my cable went out for a few minutes, or maybe the smoke from that doobie had impeded my vision. But since none of you saw it, I guess it just wasn't there.

What happened on your end Sookie? And I mean your end in all ways possible too. I realize you were a little sore and stiff and had that one-eyed purple thing going on, but there was nothing wrong with your hoo haw as far as I could tell. So in my version of The Rules there is just no excuse acceptable. Not even a visit from Aunt Flo. Cause something tells me that Aunt Flo showing up unexpectedly would be no consequence to our Bill. I thought for sure when you were laying up there on the sofa , all swaddled in Gran's granny square afghan, watching Shirley Temple wring a big pile of tears the size of pumpkins out of your eyes while watching The Little Princess that you had finally realized how badly your biscuit needed butterin'. So, again, what happened?

Sookie, now pay attention. Here are The Rules For A Fully Growed Woman. You answer the door, waste a few seconds looking surprised/squally, listen for about 2 seconds to poor guilty, conflicted Bill mumble something about "I fed", then you say "yeah, yeah, whatever- now get yo ass in here". Then you reach out and grab Bill by the neck of that lucious brown henley, fling him in the house so fast that his no -brain-wave head is spinning. (Don't forget to quickly holler out an invite). Then throw him down and TEAR. THAT. ASS. UP. I mean you should have ridden him like Tobey rode Seabiscuit.

And I'm still pissed about Layfayette.