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Sunday, November 30, 2008


What a great episode! No, it wasn't the gonad burner of a few others, but all in all, it was outstanding. From the opening scenes (btw Bill, you have an absolute ass-kicking bathroom!). Do you shop at Bed Bath And Beyond? Classic neutral colors, just the right lighting, and scented candles for those romantic post-coital baths! I wonder what scent they are? I would guess something like Vanilla Bean and Brown Sugar. And maybe some sugar scrub for the tub. Hey! That rhymns! And I do like that big-ass shower. And a loofah ta boot! Just a nagging question here, why would you even need a loogah? If your skin cells don't renew themselves, then I wouldn't think you would be plagued with that itchy, ashy skin that those pesky humans are afflicted with and is sooooo appealing to the eye. Anyway, props to the bathroom.. I'll just bet you watch TLC all the time. That is when you're not busy popping cherries, improving you golf game and fighting those primal urges to suck the occassional femoral artery.

Now to the good stuff. Poor Sam, aka Snoop Dogg. I wonder if he greets Layfayette with the well know ghetto fist bump and greeting of "dawg". I know some posters are reaming him a new one over his actions, but come on gals. Don't you feel sorry for him? He gets nothing but rejection from all fronts. He has his faults, sure, but I suspect some of it springs from abandonment issues, rejection by those he wants to give his heart to, and constantly feeling like he has to hide who and what he is from everyone. The background scenes of his adopted family just abandoning him made me have a tear in my baby blues. I want to just hug him and offer a soft warm lap for him to crawl into. And maybe some snausages. And way to go there Sook! That's the way to be there for a good friend who was there for you when Gran rather rudely got sent over to the Land of Cloudless Day. Those sad puppy-dog eyes just begging to be loved by you or just anyone. Fer Chrissake! Just a clue-in here Sam, it ain't gonna be Tara. That girl's too fucked-up to know who or what she loves. No man, be he human, shape-shifter, or vamp is anywhere near ready for her jelly. Maybe someday she'll be a player in the game of love, but not now. If anyone needed space to figure out what part of the parrallel universe she wants to be in, well it's her. (Did anyone else get flashbacks of Carnivale's Sophia when Tara's child-self with those weird assed black eyes appeared?) Every prophet in her house. You listening Sook? Speaking of Sookie, there she is, acting like she's really interested in a crash course of Shapeshifter 101. Then when Sam opens up to her and only wants assurance and acceptance, what does she do? She flies into a PMS freak-out! To invoke a few lines from a previous episode from Dawn, with the beautiful voice of parrakeets and angels, "you need to get off your high horse". And let's don't forget "you're a mean, nasty bitch." Yes Tara, she can be that at times.

Poor Eddie. I was sure hoping that he would make it back to his nice home where Eternal Flame and Heroes were waiting for him. What a crazy bitch! That's what you get Jason for letting you dick occupy what a medula oblongota should. You can sure pick 'em! You only think you're in some shit with the Hewie and Lewie, aka known as Bon Temps crackerjack law enforcement. Just wait until Eric gets a whiff of your Baby Jane channeling, vampire staking girlfriend. Jason, you would have been much better off taking care of Mr. Limpdick the regular way. Like...say....waiting a full hour before trying to get Mr. Spunky to come to attention again. You really, really didn't need the vamp juice. 'Jes sayin'. Boy, you are in a mess 'o trouble. Word.

And I have to make mention of Jason's personal grooming scene. yes, he has nice hair. Actually, he has GREAT hair. If I were Mr. Moyer, I think when I got my hair done for the next season I would pull a When Harry Met Sally on the stylist. I would point to Jason's stylist and say "I want what he's having". Mr. Moyer, there's just too much Dippidty in your Do these days.

My poor, poor tortured Bill. "Just when I thought I was out - they pull me back in!" And Eric - WTF? You didn't exactly step in there until Bill practically begged you for help. You really left Bill's cheese to twist in the wind, didn't ya? You must really, really want Sookie. Probably not as much as Pam does. But still, you should at least have thrown yo nigga a bone and not made him beg! And I got the feeling that Eric - and especially Pam - wished they were the ones doing the turning. Eric looked like he was turned on, big time. I think I would describe it as half pity for Bill and the girl, and half woodie. Well, maybe more than half. Next week's episode should be interesting indeed.

Since I know who the killer is, I just won't make any comments about what happened during the party. Except to tell Tara to ditch that damn dress at the first opportunity. Or at least give it to LaFayette. I think it would look quite fetching on that Senator. And did you borrow that horrid blue eye shadow from him? If so, then don't never do it again. You made me wish I was the one gettin' drunk just looking at that shit. You look much better in those low-rise Chuck Taylor's, skinny jeans, and Family Dollar tees.

And Sookie! She made me wish Malcom was still alive and sucking, just to hear him announce "well, looks who's here. Everyone's favorite buzz kill". She's certainly the one to invite to your party if you want everyone to leave by 9:00 and have a real suck-ass time. Hey girl, I know you're missing yo man big time. You've been taking those B12's like a good little fangbanger, prolly stocked up on those Herbal Massengil's and even gotten all the acorns and twigs out of your cooter, but DAMN! At least ACT like you're having fun. I know Arlene is the poster child for intolerant attitudes and bigotry and all, but she is your friend. And you for sure don't have a lot of then to spare. So cheer the fuck up and put on a happy face. Even if it is false. Arlene's too dumb to notice.

More thoughts later. I know y'all just cannot wait.


a-neg said...

this blog is the most hysterical i have ever read. thank you.

O-positive said...

Reading your blog religiously. It is outrageous and you are a riot! How ever do you think of these things? Inquiring minds want to know?
Thanks for sharing it all with us!

ABNegative said...

you both are welcome! glad you stopped by.